Well, after years of trying I'm studying to become a tattoo artist under one of the best in the nation. YAY!!! Woo hoo! *doing the happy dance* I'm happy!! More happy than words can say. But wait, OH MY GOD!!!!! NOT THAT! Reality check! *BLAM* Okay now I have to pay out 5000 and spend every wakeing moment studying with no way to make any more money to stay alive. DAMNED! I always hated school!
Remeber happy??? I really am happy! Sure. Yea that's it. Happy. Actually I am really happy. And yes I do have to remember that most days. I will have the career of my dreams soon and there's finally a way out of the crap that I live in. YAY! (again).
My education is going well, actually, I'm the best. That's not conceit that's honest truth. I work very very very hard to be the best too. My family is mad that I have no more time for them, my friends.......well, let's just say it'd be nice to have friends. But after 5000 and a year later I'll be makeing more money than I have ever mad in my life. Well, doing something legal. Yay! Legal work and money! That's going to be soooo nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know people that are paying 50,000 for school and I still never see them. Thay have years left on their schooling and by the time they're done they prolly won't want to do what they've put themselves through. Everyone gets burnt out! I have one year and a crap load less money to pay out. So what am I bitching about??? That's the question I ask myself more times a day then I smoke cigarettes.
The diffrence is, I get yelled at, put down and I still pick myself up to bust ass. And that's with no garuntee that I'm ever going to make it. If you don't make it at school you get your money back to a point. If I don't make it here well, that's 5000 dollars I can jsut kiss goodbye. Nope never!
I wish I had words for the joy I feel when I pick up a tattoo machine and go to work. I got to do a tattoo on myself. For a first tattoo I guess it's one of the best. Not as good as 20 years of tattooing that I see every day but I love it! And oh man! The calm stress that happens with a machine in my hand. It looks like gold! It's treated like glass, and respect more than our forefathers. Pure reverance. That would be the only way I can think of to say what I feel.
One day I think life is over and I'm having a nervous break down, that next week the universe pulled my head out of my ass and gave me a gift of learning. And oh the JOY!!!! Pure and simple joy! Like a child with a new puppy.
I eat, sleep, live tattooing and that shop. It's all I have and everything I want. I may be at the bottom but one day I'll be read about in books and magazines as one of the best women tattooists ever. Yup! I will be! There's no question about it. Because that's who I am. I just hope that when it's all said and done everyone will understand. There's alot of understanding required in tattooing. The time, the life, the traveling, the shop, and definately the time lost with everyone while trying to get clients and establish a good name for yourself.
The only thought I can say I have right now is "God, please, help my make it out the other side!"