The rabid little ball of energy
So I have a son. He's 6. Named ZXathian. My pride and joy and much to my dismay my tired and grumpiness most of the time. I wasn't kidding in the title when i said, Rabid little ball of energy. But above all this, he's the child of my heart and my love.
I have him on weekends due to stuff ya'll don't need to know. Anyway, We have a strange relationship. We are just learning about eachother and everyday together brings new discoveries. Things that had i had him all the time I prolly would have known.
We find eachothers company to be mostly fun and even though I have far diffrent rules from his father, we make due and try to be paicent with eachother.
I have found that I enjoy my time with my son more after having, at one time, no time with him at all. Even days when he's driving me nuts. Like now when he's dancing his favorite car on my should whilest I type. I treasure things like that, and I found that most parents especailly mothers that are with thier kids all the time don't. And it's not that that's a bad thing, if you hang out with anyone day in day out, they'll get annouying and snippy. It's just the way things are.
That's not saying that I don't snap at him on accation, because I do. I'm jsut like all Mothers of active kids, they'll drive you nuts until you snap and then you feel guilty. I have never hit my son, but they have been times I have yelled at him to go to his room or just to give me 5 minutes peace. I've found that I feel really guilty about it afterwards and apoligise and try to explain that he'd hit my limit. I'd like to say that at 6 he takes this to heart and quiets down or go and plays without bugging me, but he's 6. and it doesn't always happen. But I try to be more understanding to him.
I know that he's a kid and I now know what my Mother put up with to a small degree. She had way more kids than just one. Most of the time at my house you could find 8 to ten kids. 8 to 10!!!!! Holy crap! No wonder we all thought my Mom was nuts. I know how my son plays and he's only one. Now I know that with several they tend to keep eachother company and play together but I have enough heart attacks with just one.
After having my son for the first long weekend I went to my Mom and said I am truely sorry for everything I put you through as a child playing. I never knew the fear my Mom had to deal with. She was so calm when we were at the park. I think that by the time I head home I'm going to go into a nervous break down. Like yeaterday we went to the park and one of the older kids on the playground kicked my son in head. I have a buff little boy and he took it with only a frown but I almost pummled the teen that had done it even though it was an accident.
Through all this I keep trying to remind myself that he has to grow and play to learn. I can't protect him from everything including himself sometimes. I keep trying. I think I will have to keep trying the rest of my life. I want sooo badly to run to him and try to keep him from being stupid. Which is to say, to keep him from being a kid.
I was watching "The Others" last night, and I watched the kids and the fact that they were so controlled and had almost no fun. I almost cried for them and realalized that I have to let my kid get scrapped knees and a couple of goose eggs. If it's really bad he'll let me know. He'll come curl in my lap and I'll help him out. If that takes me not watching the first few times he goes "Mommy watch this!" Then so be it. He has to grow into a man sometime.
Being a kid is suppost to be soooo fun! If you have a Mother that moniters every little movement that you make then what kind of a childhood do you have? Not much of one.
I know that I have to get ready for the teen years but for now I plan to enjoy all the wonderful things a child of 6 can bring. Like random bugs and flowers. Hugs half sideways as something "new" catches his eye. And all sorts of mini battles. I'm not sure that anyone who isn't a parent can understand exactly, because I didn't. i thought i did but I was wrong. Even with all the heart break i know that mothers suffer over the long years of raiseing children, I wouldn't give up one moment with my son. Not ever.