My weight has always been an issue for me. Not that I am fat, but that I think so. Even now when I know that I am trimming up and looking good. Half my clothing doesn't fit and yet, today I looked in the mirror and all I saw was a fat person. I know that it's my issue and lots of people tell me I am loseing too much weight. But when all you see is fat what do you do? My worst fear ever since I was a child was to be fat. Not kinda chunky, I've been there, but truely fat. It terrifies me and ...

I am not old by any means. I am also not as young as I once was. And with that I have lived a harder life than most. And not near as hard as others. I was thinking of being younger and all the things I used to do. Like not having an embaressment button at all. Building blanket forts in the living room or dining room. Playing pretend with my friends and having adventures every day. Those things are wonder-full. Most of this is based on a book that's just great reading. Called "Good Omens"....

Well let's see, where did I leave off? Oh yes gang central and sex and drugs. I remember now........, Good place to start. I had forgotten to state that most of the time I was a happy child and yes I was happy in my family. I am a middle child and true to form I have middle child syndrom. To a fault! I am the "black sheep" and have a temper that can call down the fires of hell if I want. With the lungs of a singing swimmer I can yell over two blocks easy and there's no one better than me a...

Well, People want to know. They don't seem to understand so here it is. I am doing chapters because I can only handle so many bad memories at a time. It's too rough. I born in Utah and spent most of my time there. I have alot of family there. I remember very little about growing up. Mostly flashes of what should have been a full memory, but I have blocked out certain things and it took others with it. When I was five I used to spend the night at my grandma's. My uncle was mabey 13 then....

Well, to put this plainly. Wendsday is gone. Now to explain. Wendsday is my bird. She was a present to me from my husband, even though she loved him the best. Humans can only think they own animals. Animals pick their owners. That's just the way of it. I was getting everything ready for work when I opened the front door to leave and remembered my bird on my shoulder. I turned to put her in her cage and away she went. Out the door over the roof and into the sky. I searched, woke up my neighb...

Oh! Can you feel it?? The antisipantion? For sulfure, blankets, bright lights and children screaming in races through the multi colored quilt on the ground. It's that time again. For fireworks and bar-b-ques. For family coming together and parades. Yesterday my husband and I were helping a man push his broken down car through our small town where the speed limit is 25mph. A bunch of cars were driving too fast and one came close to my son and I as we were walking back to our car. Me in my ...

I have jsut read Where the heart is by Billie Letts and I loved it!!! I loved it in the special way that a book or song can touch your soul and you never truely know where that person who has never met you got your soul from. This book made me laugh out loud, cry for hours, get angry, and sigh in love. Having seen the movie before I actually wasn't expecting to like the book that much. Just the way I am. But the writing style was wonderful and it just grabbed you and held on. Being a pregan...

I'm not saying that anyones life has been lessend by the thing i have been saying or that i hate everyone. I hate hardly anyone. I know what love is and think that if you love someone, anyone, you can't truely hate. That might jsut be me. I know what kind of life I have had and part of it, a big part, has been my own stupid doing. Now with health problems and other things that I can't or couldn't control it's been even harder and if I had to do it over again..................., I doubt I wo...

Yay! Once more I am up for work. There's just a slight change today. It's 6 in the bloody morning! 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!!!! People actually wake up this early. I was shocked and think it should be outlawed! There's no reason anyone should be getting up this early. Going to bed at this time is diffrent but wakeing up......., HELL NO! Being a night person I see no reason for anyone to have to wake up this early, there's plenty more day left and then there's always night time. Besides, if peop...

It has been two days since everything has happend and all I can think of is grrrrrrrr! That's the only thing I have to say to my father. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! He has chosen his whore over my little sister. He'll never know what a give he has lost. And amazingly enough.... the only adult so far in the situation that I can see is my little sister. She has done everything she can to change the situation without giving up her self respect. What I want to know is why. Why would that man give this ...

God, Save me! From myself. From bad taste and men. God, Save me! From my really bad poetry and self defeat. God, Save me! From faith, from no faith. God, Save me! From awful music and too much perfume. God, Save me! From stupid people and not enough love. God, Save me! From curiousity and drunken stupors. God, Save me! From demons and nightmares. God, SAVE ME! From unbelief and jadedness. God, Save me! From tears and emotion. God, Save me! From memories ...

Like the title said, I had a hysterectomy one year ago. At the age of 23 I gave up any chance of having another child instead of trying to fight the cancer that was in my body bit by bit. Today is a mile stone in my life. There's really no way to explain what I am feeling. It was my choice. I could have chosen to try to fight little by little and mabey one day be able to have another child. I chose the "OH HELL NO!" road and now I'm "celebrateing" (for lack of a better word) the day that I we...

Like the title says, it's late night and I'm on one of my insomnia trips. YAY! Once again staying awake for no good reason trying to figure out what I'm suppost to be awake for, there's always a reason with me. These are the days I look back at my life and things that I have done and what's going on and try to learn and grow. Being about to turn 25 you'd think that I'd have at least a little of my life together. Not really! I mostly still feel like a lost teenager. The only thing I have go...

Lover's wheels, Turning in an endless bliss. Seduction, What an easy game to play. Always looking for someone to take over the game. Or get taken in. On your toes or back, it's all the same. More fun to playwith lover's wheels. Turning in an endless bliss. High heels, High skirts. All these come off together. In a game of lover's wheels. Turning in an endless bliss. Whispers in the night, Caresses or poundings. Is the chorus of lover's wheels. Turning in an endless bliss. Red ...

Purple flames lick their lips, Bringing my dreams another flare. Streaming into my emotion like a rolling ocean. Remember my innocence??? I CAN'T! Throw the world a fucking bone and show yourself. Bleed not on the carpet of my soul and clean your room. My brain bitches in silent wondering. Confusing only me. A Godess appears, Wait.........., It's only a plastic actress. Ruining my self esteem. GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!!!!!!! Flash the screaming obscene signs. "Strip for me...