Well, People want to know. They don't seem to understand so here it is. I am doing chapters because I can only handle so many bad memories at a time. It's too rough. I born in Utah and spent most of my time there. I have alot of family there. I remember very little about growing up. Mostly flashes of what should have been a full memory, but I have blocked out certain things and it took others with it. When I was five I used to spend the night at my grandma's. My uncle was mabey 13 then....

Hurray for me. I managed to be a responcible adult and actually make a Doctor appointment. After two months of avoiding the issue I can no longer continue at work or my life without doing something about it. I hate Doctors in general. I finally gound one that I loved and she's out with a new baby. I have gone through two bouts of cancer, mental health issues, epilepsy, bad boyfriends (and yes, that landed me in the hostpital once or twice), being a street kid and just being an all around cl...

Well, to put this plainly. Wendsday is gone. Now to explain. Wendsday is my bird. She was a present to me from my husband, even though she loved him the best. Humans can only think they own animals. Animals pick their owners. That's just the way of it. I was getting everything ready for work when I opened the front door to leave and remembered my bird on my shoulder. I turned to put her in her cage and away she went. Out the door over the roof and into the sky. I searched, woke up my neighb...

Oh! Can you feel it?? The antisipantion? For sulfure, blankets, bright lights and children screaming in races through the multi colored quilt on the ground. It's that time again. For fireworks and bar-b-ques. For family coming together and parades. Yesterday my husband and I were helping a man push his broken down car through our small town where the speed limit is 25mph. A bunch of cars were driving too fast and one came close to my son and I as we were walking back to our car. Me in my ...

I have jsut read Where the heart is by Billie Letts and I loved it!!! I loved it in the special way that a book or song can touch your soul and you never truely know where that person who has never met you got your soul from. This book made me laugh out loud, cry for hours, get angry, and sigh in love. Having seen the movie before I actually wasn't expecting to like the book that much. Just the way I am. But the writing style was wonderful and it just grabbed you and held on. Being a pregan...

I'm not saying that anyones life has been lessend by the thing i have been saying or that i hate everyone. I hate hardly anyone. I know what love is and think that if you love someone, anyone, you can't truely hate. That might jsut be me. I know what kind of life I have had and part of it, a big part, has been my own stupid doing. Now with health problems and other things that I can't or couldn't control it's been even harder and if I had to do it over again..................., I doubt I wo...

Doubt is crowding out my head right now. Between my Father, who's oh so wonderful, *rolls eyes*, and Mr. Dark I have been placed in the center of doubt. I think I'll start with my Father first. He decided to call me last night. After him and his wife disowned my little sister he's had no contact with me. I still just can't. I'm too angry. WEll, he called last night and I had my husband tell him I was sleeping. Not such a hard thing to believe but still I knew it was a lie. I think my Dad got...

Yay! Once more I am up for work. There's just a slight change today. It's 6 in the bloody morning! 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!!!! People actually wake up this early. I was shocked and think it should be outlawed! There's no reason anyone should be getting up this early. Going to bed at this time is diffrent but wakeing up......., HELL NO! Being a night person I see no reason for anyone to have to wake up this early, there's plenty more day left and then there's always night time. Besides, if peop...

It has been two days since everything has happend and all I can think of is grrrrrrrr! That's the only thing I have to say to my father. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! He has chosen his whore over my little sister. He'll never know what a give he has lost. And amazingly enough.... the only adult so far in the situation that I can see is my little sister. She has done everything she can to change the situation without giving up her self respect. What I want to know is why. Why would that man give this ...

My weight has always been an issue for me. Not that I am fat, but that I think so. Even now when I know that I am trimming up and looking good. Half my clothing doesn't fit and yet, today I looked in the mirror and all I saw was a fat person. I know that it's my issue and lots of people tell me I am loseing too much weight. But when all you see is fat what do you do? My worst fear ever since I was a child was to be fat. Not kinda chunky, I've been there, but truely fat. It terrifies me and ...

I am not old by any means. I am also not as young as I once was. And with that I have lived a harder life than most. And not near as hard as others. I was thinking of being younger and all the things I used to do. Like not having an embaressment button at all. Building blanket forts in the living room or dining room. Playing pretend with my friends and having adventures every day. Those things are wonder-full. Most of this is based on a book that's just great reading. Called "Good Omens"....

For everything I've been through, I love life for all it's worth. Sure, I want the smoke found in a cancer stick, Mabey a sporatic drink of alcohol. No pot in my body, thanks. I keep to my limited knowledge. I gain in ways unknown to man. And woman for that matter. I make myself known. I make myself cry. I will never lower myself to the hate of this world. I am free, Free to have kids and express my opinion. But not to be myself. I am far from your social pool. Nor do I care to...

Daddy, Dearest........, I remember. I was your favorite. But, I got lost in rebellion. You never forgave, Never forgive. That's what you taught. I learned so well. Why? Why do you scowle? I was so wanting, So loving and accepting. We had so many long talks and long walks. Now your silence kills, The roads are gone and there's no more vans. Where we lived. You and I, Daddy. Remeber? Remeber when we were there? And here? And went everywhere? We had some laughes and ...

The other day my best friend Kayly and I were crossing the border from Canada to the US, Which is always a pain. But we go up to see our B.F.'s so it's almost worth it. We were coming back and america has once again gotten it's panties in a wad over bomb threats. Not that anyone would ever bomb western washington if they knew anything at all. No one here would do anything. The rest of the world could fall apart and we'd all be like, just give us funding and leave us alone. We'll be fine. Any...

I am seeing Mr. Dark still. There have some issues. In a perfect world there wouldn't be but hey realality is the world I live in, not perfect. We've been having issues lately. Nothing too big or anything, jsut issues. New relationship findings and other things. He's very protective of me and has some issues from passed relationships. And so do I. I have found that in the last year or so I have learned to stand up for myself when it comes to relationships. Which is fabulous for me but at th...